Journey to the Centre of the Turkmen Universe

Daniel Kalder

(This is an expanded version of an article on the Rukhnama originally
published in the Guardian Online (29/12/06))

Two years ago I met a man from Ashgabat in a McDonald’s in
downtown Moscow. We chatted for a while and once he was relaxed
enough, I decided to ask about some of the bizarre stories emanating
from his homeland:

‘Is it true that gold teeth are banned in Turkmenistan?’ I asked.
‘Complete bullshit,’ he said.
‘What about beards? I heard that beards are banned.’
‘Also bullshit. Don’t believe what you read on the Internet. Well,
believe half of it, but as for the other half- forget it.’

He had no love for Saparmurat Turkmenbashi, the ‘Father of All
Turkmen’, but even so, lazy misreporting in the foreign press still
irritated him: as if it wasn’t bad enough having an eccentric dictator in
charge at home, when you got out you had to put up with people like
me asking stupid questions because of nonsense on the BBC website.
I understood his irritation, and after talking to him, I wanted to get
closer to the truth. I knew that the Rukhnama, Turkmenbashi’s
legendary ‘book of the soul’ (allegedly required reading if you were
going to take a driving test, work for the government, eat food, wear
underpants etc), had been translated into English, so I went out on
the net and downloaded it from the handy website Ruhnama Online.

It started off well: on the very first page I learned that the Turkmen
nation was 5000 years old, descended from Noah, and had founded
more than seventy states, though Turkmenbashi didn’t say what his
sources were. Then he quickly segued into the rules of good
manners, the fourth of which was:

Wear clean and decent clothes.

It seemed strange to suddenly be talking about this sort of thing after
such an epic beginning. Then he shifted again, into a story from his
lonely student years in Leningrad wherein an old man revealed unto
him the details of his father’s death (he was shot by Germans during
the war). His mother too had died when he was young, and thus
driven to the edge of ‘maddness’ by loneliness, Turkmenbashi
launched into a heartfelt poem that began:

I have powerful Turkmen thoroughbred, would you groom it Jygalybeg?
I have also a broken and uneased heart, would you groom it,

And so on. It was only on page 69 that he really got down to
explaining the purpose of the Rukhnama, using multiple metaphors,
though one of them will do nicely enough here: ‘If the spirit of the
Turkmen is the universe… then Rukhnama must be the centre of this

And as I read on, I discovered that the Rukhnama really was the
centre of the universe. Turkmenbashi was effectively trying to write his
country, previously a scrap of desert colonized by successive
empires, into existence. It contained everything: moral teachings,
history, folklore, discourses on neutrality and the friendship of nations,
religious instruction, definitions of Turkmen character, praise for such
potent national symbols as melons and rugs, excerpts from the
constitution and more poetry. He described the soul of a Turkmen:
loyal, brave, clean, pleasant, peaceful, but ferocious in his defense of
the motherland. He was seeking to create a magnificent national
identity, inextricably bound up with his own good self, of course.

By about page 300, however, I wasn’t taking anything in any more.
Though the book’s five sections all had different, evocative titles (‘The
Turkmen’s Path’, ‘Spiritual World of the Turkmen’ for example) there
wasn’t much structure at all: Turkmenbashi just rambled on about this
for a bit, then rambled on about something else. You can’t blame him:
writing a book is laborious and time- consuming, and his day job was
running an entire country, so he must have worked on the Rukhnama
in snatches between sleep and being God. But even so, it was
disappointing: just because someone is a tyrant, it doesn’t mean they’
re necessarily a bad writer. Though no-one has much good to say
about Hitler’s style in Mein Kampf, apparently Ivan the Terrible wrote
some of the finest Russian prose of his day. However, even allowing
for a weak translation, the Rukhnama was still a shambles. I put the
book down.

About a year later, however, I managed to get a visa for Turkmenistan
and one of the first things I did was buy a copy of Turkmenbashi’s
magnum opus in a government bookshop in Ashgabat. It was pink and
green, with RUKHNAMA written in big yellow letters on the cover,
giving it the look of a children’s storybook. Turkmenbashi had written
at least three other volumes besides, among them a volume of poetry
and a collection of stories about Turkmen national heroes for the
edification of the nation’s youth. There was also a sequel, Rukhnama
2. When I asked a fan of Rukhnama 1 what was in the continuation,
he smiled sheepishly:

‘Er… more of the same.’

I decided to give Rukhnama 1 another go. Riding through the Kara
Kum desert I grappled with the shifting vagueness of Turkmenbashi’s
thought until I finally accepted: yes, he really was making it up as he
went along. He needed a good editor. But who would dare tell the
Father of the Turkmen to do a rewrite?

But then, why bother? He had a (literally) captive readership: driving
around I saw billboards for the book everywhere, its title was written in
white stones placed on distant mountains, and on TV the ‘news’ would
end with a reading from the Rukhnama accompanied by images of
nature, such as eagles in flight or the sun rising over the desert. One
programme consisted of passages from the Rukhnama being read
aloud in Turkmen, English, French, German and Russian in a giant
concert hall to an audience sitting in rapt attention. The idea was to
persuade the viewers at home that people the world over were
reading their national book, but all the readers on the stage were
young Turkmen, students no doubt at the linguistic academy (the
widely reported claim that foreign language education has been
banned in Turkmenistan is false). Several times I caught it referred to
as The Holy Rukhnama, though Turkmenbashi explicitly denies in its
opening pages that he has written a holy book. No doubt this was the
result of unctuous sycophants lathering on the praise to please their
master in the hope that they’d get one of the nice new apartments in
the marble towers he was building at the foot of the Kopet Dag

And yet, the longer I spent in Turkmenistan, the more I started to feel
that though the Rukhnama itself was fairly unique, the phenomenon in
its entirety was less exotic than it seemed. In our own society we, like
the Turkmen, are obliged to read and parrot nonsense, to declare
bogus enthusiasms and beliefs every day for the sake of our jobs or
education. A friend on the trip with me told me that his brother had
recently gone on a training weekend where he had run across hot
coals in his bare feet to prove to the rest of his team how much he
loved selling advertising with them. This is at least as absurd as
wearing a pin of Turkmenbashi’s head on your lapel and reading his
book for fifteen minutes every morning, as was recommended to me.
However, my friend’s brother thought it was fantastic. And so in Britain
some people are able to believe in this sort of crap and go far, while
others struggle to and lag behind- just like in Turkmenistan, even if
the manifestation of the phenomenon is more extreme over there.

None of the management training manuals behind that rubbish are
floating in space however. The Rukhnama is, at least if we can believe
one story in the papers.  It is currently orbiting the earth in a space
capsule and will continue to do so for another 150 years. It would be
nice if it somehow broke free and was able to drift freely through the
cosmos. Then aliens might find it, decode its ramblings, and base
their image of our planet entirely on the late night thoughts of a
certain Saparmurat Turkmenbashi Esq., now deceased, his memory
long since faded on his home planet. But far away, on that distant
star, they could keep alive the image and ideas of the strange
dictator. Maybe they could build a monument to him: he’d like that.
And they could ban gold teeth and beards too.